Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Lady NahNah

How much bicarb soda, lemon juice and hot water is too much bicarb soda, lemon juice and hot water? Because I'm starting to get the stomach grumbles and it's not my fault.

And as you know, Rose, nothing is ever my fault. I wear blame as badly as Britney wears no underwear. I always will. And this time it's my dear mate, Dan, who's guilty of whatever grievous body harm is bound to come.



When he recently found himself "between jobs" (I'm now Maggie to his Katie and have taken on the role of being pointless), he decided to get a little healthier. 

(I've taken the Hollywood high road and ride the Red Wine Express whenever it's in the station. Oh, and be a pal and remind me how this became a daily service when I pen my memoirs.) 

He's since been living by this cleansing bicarby cocktail that he promised would have me feeling fabulous faster than The Lone Ranger's run in cinemas. So I did it, even when he warned I'd have my fireworks than Disneyland before having inner harmony be my reward. 

But that shouldn't been about 60 minutes ago, and while I'm a tad rumbly in the tumbly, I'm putting it down to the disappointment I must be feeling after having just heard Lady GaGa's Applause.

Yes, Stefani's latest single was leaked today (and I hope nothing else does, given what I'm currently digesting) and, to be frank, I've heard more interesting pop from Paris Hilton.

Besides the fact Applause could've been a cut and paste job from Born This Way, she also had the nerve to hijack Heath's infamous "Joker" makeup. And she probably thought not a single monster would notice. But that's a negative, Ms Germanotta.


You may've had more plastic surgery than the Kardashians Kombined - and in seemingly less time than any Taylor Swift relationship - but this doesn't mean you can illegally loan a look from Ledger.

Plus, wasn't today meant to be Katy Perry day? No wonder she's going prematurely blue.



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