Brits & Giggles

Since you know I'm a bum, you probably have no interest in knowing what my days look like. But let me just say: Most bare a resemblance to an oil painting of Tori Spelling. Because they're just, well, unfortunate looking.

Often, there's me sitting in my apartment, tap-tap-tapping away on this dang keyboard. Oh, and then when I want to feel alive, I hit Steve's 'shuffle' button in iTunes and sing to every song that rears its glittery face. And truth be told, on more than one occasion, I've failed to convince myself how someone who'll one day re-enter the workforce should really shower before sunset.

I feel better knowing Matt LeBlanc is doing much of the same.

But I should share more about singing to the downloaded divas on my Mac. Because I'd be lying if I said I didn't get somewhat over-enthusiastic during my private performances.

Stop by and you'd likely find plenty of hand gestures, me matching Madge note for note, plus the occasional “up-outta-the-seat” shenanigan. And with this admission comes two concerns:

1. As much as I can often smell what the neighbours downstairs are cooking, I can also hear their child. Yes, their whinging early-ager takes pleasure in notifying the block whenever they're hungry, soiled or progressing their transition into the devil incarnate.
   
   But look, I shouldn't go on. It seems unfair, me knowing how hard you're trying for your own wee one, and I'd feel like Michael Richard doing standup should my tacky tale shift your focus. 
   
   
   (As I've said to you before though, Rose, I'm happy to have words with Celine and Rene. Mum is literally the word.) 
   
   
   
   
   
   The way I see it is, if I have a problem with the vocal talents of their baba ganoush, it's a grand possibility they take issue to my accidental yet aspiring career in music. Much like how I took offence to Hilary Duff when she did the same. We're only human.
   
   
2. That little camera at the top of my screen: I sometimes worry that somebody is watching me.
   
   Now yes, I know how stupid this sounds. Knowing you, you're no doubt thinking, “Lilo, get off Stan's Mac and get back to your latest 'direct to DVD'”. But look at Pierce Brosnan.
   
   Remember how Universal took footage of him murdering ABBA songs at a karaoke bar and dropped it into 2009's Mamma Mia for a cheap laugh?

See, it's serious. So I'm best keeping my mouth shut. And I'll forward the same memo onto Reece for when she's next in Atlanta for cocktails.